i know i haven't been around much lately. my posts have been brief and mainly pictures. it isn't that i haven't had anything going on, just nothing i really wanted to post about. growing up i would usually only write in my journal when i was sad or upset so i have a few journals that just read of my sorrows and "learning experiences" and i don't really find them uplifting to read. even when i read past entries of my blog when struggling with infertility i feel sad for myself. i don't want to feel sad for myself. i want to be glad and grateful for everything that i have and everything that i have learned...but, i don't want to only record the happy times either so i guess i need to make a concerted effort to be glad and grateful for the little joys and happy moments during the hard times and try to record a good sampling of it all.

after my grandpa proctor died, my grandmother gathered all of the grandchildren at his grave and gave us each a slab of petrified wood. each one was beautiful and had shimmery lines all throughout almost like stripes...anyway, she told us that the shimmery (this is not the technical term, haha) parts were where the cracks in the wood had been. it was not only the most beautiful part of the petrified wood but also the strongest. i have always loved this because it seems sometimes that some people float along and enjoy a life of ease. good times and noodle salad and others (me, namely) face struggle at every turn that does seem to leave cracks in our soul and in our happiness on our mortal journey. i love the idea that these experiences will leave our souls stronger and more beautiful even though it does not feel that way initially.

i know that everyone has their fair share of trials and time is the great equalizer when it comes to pain and struggle and you never know what someone else is dealing with but when you are in the midst of a trial it does seem like the universe has singled you out for misery.

my husband was recently laid off and my little family has moved into my parent's basement apartment. the funny thing is, for several months my husband and i have been talking about moving to virginia and he had been looking for job opportunities here when kind of suddenly (not altogether out of the blue, since he works in the mortgage industry but the company dissolved the mortgage servicing part of the company without warning) became unemployed. i am very proud of my husband. we have been here for three weeks and he has received two great job offers. i am not surprised because he would be a great asset to any company but in this economy it is amazing that we have been so blessed to have him find employment so fast. i have been pretty emotional since we have been here and audrey and i have both been sick and have not been sleeping well so i know it has been rough on him but i am so proud of him and how hard he works for our family.

my parents have been great too. we have eaten quite a few dinners with my family and my parents have watched audrey a couple of times so dave and i could get out together and have some alone time. it is truly a blessing to live rent free and have a place that we can still have time with just our little family.

the last two days with dave working have been rough. my little audrey has not napped well (if at all) and is still congested so mama hasn't gotten a break. i miss having dave home...he has never worked so late in the evening before and i know that he comes home tired after a long day at work and an hour commute.

we have so much to be thankful for. i am thankful dave is employed. i am thankful we have a place to live. i am thankful we have two working cars that have never given us trouble. i am thankful they have Michaels out here. i am thankful for many things, but i am missing friends and family in salt lake and feeling lonely for dave and feeling a bit displaced at the moment.