why the earth is round - continued

so i was thinking about my most recent post a lot today. i wanted to clarify something. i felt so bad that i was complaining about challenges i was having in my pregnancy. I only wanted to express the feelings in my heart that were sparked by this quote

"...the earth was made round so we would not see too far down the road."

when i read this quote, i was deeply impressed with what it should mean to me in my life. after suffering a miscarriage you are so overwhelmed with that pain and loss(or at least i was) that you just look to the future and the happiness that it will bring instead of living in the moment. the fear of not being able to ever have children and the toll it took on my heart and my health is truly incredible...i look back and appreciate the extra time i had with my husband to enjoy each other and i think about all i learned about myself and i am sure i will look back on this time and appreciate the ability to go to dinner or movies as i please and sleep away the weekends when i need it or go to bed right when i get home from work. in each stage of life there are specific struggles but also great opportunities to experience joy.

i do not know how many people read this blog. i remember thinking after we experienced a loss how infuriating and insensitive it was when people would complain about their kids or about their pregnancy...all i knew was my own experience, and the pain i felt not having the blessing of children in my life. i feel like i am constantly learning and growing and sometimes i feel like i learn the same lesson over and over again. one of the things i have been on a journey to learn my whole life is the lesson of taking the good with the bad and choosing to focus on the good. choosing happiness even when pain is present...i am so grateful to be pregnant. i hope with all my heart that i did not offend anyone struggling with infertility. i still carry that pain with me and it makes me paranoid and even that much more emotional through this pregnancy. i am always praying that every couple that wants a baby is blessed with one because that is a pain that i am familiar with and it is such a heavy burden on one's heart. i try to honestly document my feelings in my blog as it is the closest thing to a journal that i have. i love my baby girl in my tummy so much. tears are streaming down my face because i am so overwhelmed by the love i already have for her and i would be pregnant for years and years if that is what was needed to bring her here.