you never realize...

as you may or may not know, julie and i (dave) have worked in the same office for just over a year. i have really enjoyed our daily commute together, the many times we have had lunch together and being with her at company functions as they are always 'employee only' events. but what i have enjoyed the most is being able to see her beautiful, warm smile as i walk by her desk. even though we are still on 'baby watch', today is julie's first day of maternity leave and while i knew i would miss our commute, etc. i never realized just how much of a difference she made in my days at work as i did when i walked by her desk and it was empty.

many times i don't realize what i have until it's not longer there.

i love you julie and i am SO, SO proud of you!!

Remembering my Nana

It is hard to believe it has only been a year since my Nana passed away. It seems like she has been gone forever. I have been really missing her lately. Two weeks ago, my aunt Rosemary and cousins Catherine and Jennifer gave me a lovely shower for the Jensen side of the family and i was really sad to not have my Nana there. In the morning while i was getting ready, i was listening to my ipod on shuffle and the song "A You're Adorable" by Dean Martin started playing...I don't have too many songs from this era on my ipod and i don't listen to them very much. this particular song is one that was a lullaby my mother used to sing to me as a child...and the last time i listened to this entire album i was with my Nana and she had such a peace about her when the music was playing. i could see that she was taken to another place in time, she was with my Papa and he was with her. i started to cry when i heard this song because i had been thinking quite a bit about this shower and how my Nana wouldn't be there and when this song started to play, i knew it was my Nana giving me a hug. A week ago, my cousin Jennifer and I went to lunch and it was the first time i noticed how when i talk about my Nana, she is always MY Nana and Jennifer, who is older than me chuckled and said, "hey, she is MY Nana." That is just the kind of Nana she was, she made all her grandchildren feel like she was theirs.

June 20, 2006

wow, it is hard to believe it has only been two years. i can't imagine my life without dave. i can't imagine who i would be without him. i wish i had the words to express my love for him...from the first time i met him i have always fallen short and found myself at a loss as to how to really convey the love i have for him in my heart. it is something that words cannot capture. he is the best man i have ever met with the most gentle heart and he knows how to calm me when i am frightened and make me laugh when i feel down. he works harder than anyone i know and he doesn't judge people or hold them to unrealistic expectations. he lets people be who they are. he lets me be me and helps me each day realize who that is and the potential within me. he is my best friend. i am so proud of the man he is and i love him more than i could have ever imagined possible. i get really emotional when i think of the daddy that he already is to audrey. her nursery is a showcase of his love for her. each piece of furniture represents hours of his time...time picking out, picking up, painting and putting together...i love how much he already loves her and his sacrifices for her.

happy anniversary babe. here is to many more...

in honor of david's father

this is a picture of my father-in-law. he passed away two years ago today and he has been on my mind all day. i wish i had been able to get to know him better. i am so glad i was able to meet him. it makes me sad that little audrey will never know her grandpa montoya here on earth, but i know she is with him now. he is probably bouncing her on his knee and teaching her all kinds of things she will need to know when she gets here.

i love my husband so much and i cannot express my gratitude to his father for raising him to be such an amazing man.

proctor baby shower

my cousin Shanda threw me such a delightful baby shower last weekend. she had so much good food and fun games. it was such a blast. there were candy dishes all around the room filled with different pink candy and baby pictures of various family members hung up throughout the room. it was so good to see and visit with everyone. i truly was showered with love and generous gifts for baby Audrey. i really appreciate all the time, energy and work that went into planning such a fun event.

Thanks Shanda for throwing me such a great shower. Thanks Lyn for hosting it at your home. i really appreciate it!

the darling sign that Shanda gave me for Audrey's nursery:

6 random facts

Audrey at pinks and blues tagged me quite some time ago and i am sorry it has taken me so long to respond...here it is finally, six random facts about me:

1. I did not walk until i was 22 months old. i spent time with my 22 month old nephew tonight who has been walking for a year, it is truly mind-boggling that it took me that long to walk...my mom was worried and even took me to a doctor to see if i was developmentally delayed...luckily i wasn't...just couldn't be rushed. i laugh because this is still often the case. i do things when i am ready, in my own time. i guess you are who you are.

2. when i was in grade school, each classroom had a special needs student and in fifth grade we didn't have a spelling bee, we had a signing bee instead and i took second place. i felt like i was robbed. the girl who won did not have her own sentence just had to add the word i left out even though i gave her every other word in the sentence...i still remember that sentence verbatim.

3. i am a perfectionist and often, no matter how appealing something is to me, i won't even attempt it unless i am confident that i will be successful, or dare i say, even find perfection in what i am attempting to take on. this is something i am working on, to let myself make mistakes and give myself leeway in learning new things.

4. i didn't realize how angry i was at myself when i miscarried or how much i blamed and punished myself until i was able to become pregnant and have forgiven my body for failing me. i notice that even when i am exhausted and uncomfortable i am willing to go out and live my life, when i never would allow myself to find any joy or happiness in anything after i miscarried. i realized this recently and it made me sad that i have been so hard on myself.

5. i hate bananas and i always have. i wouldn't even eat banana baby food as an infant.

6. i hate being vulnerable...even when i find myself getting emotional when watching TV or videos, i will make fun of it rather than let it grab hold of my emotions. it is funny because while i hate to feel vulnerable, when i see other people allow themselves to be vulnerable, it is one of the most beautiful things in the world to me...it is like looking at a window into their soul.

my handsome cyclist

so as i mentioned in a previous post, my husband rode in the salt lake century 107 mile ride last month. they had a photographer shooting pictures and the pictures are finally posted on the website. what a handsome devil!