we have a heartbeat

we had our second ultrasound on tuesday and we saw our little peanut's heart beating at a speed of 140...it was the most incredible thing in the world...we are so thrilled and grateful for this amazing miracle growing inside my tummy...

baby love

after work today i was spent so i just cuddled up on the couch under a blanket while dave went to "run some errands" or so he said...when he got home he did some wrapping in the basement and then he brought up this ginormous gift that wouldn't even fit under the tree with a bow that was bigger than my head. when i asked him what it was(i always ask what my gifts are and dave is really getting better at not telling me and making me wait, darn it) he said, "it isn't from me" so i went over to investigate...the tag said it was to me from baby. wow, either this baby really loves me or it is pretty tricky by using a decoy box. i guess only time will tell...

one year later...

today makes one year since we lost our little angel. it was a hard day for me at work. i snapped at my sister in an email(sorry rachel) and was pretty unpleasant to be around at work. each time i saw the date(whether in an email, my outlook calendar, what have you...) my heart just dropped. even as i write this i am sobbing. it has been such a challenging year for me and in so many ways i have changed. the only thing that cheered me up is the queasiness in my tummy to remind me that miracles happen. today made me realize that pain is still there. the time that has passed and the baby in my tummy does not erase what dave and i have been through. i can't even express the love i have for dave and his constant support, patience and love he always gives so freely to me. he knew i needed to get out of the office and take a break so he sent out an email to all of our friends at work inviting them to join us for lunch and the six of us went out and i was able to laugh and joke and forget my troubles...dave is so amazing and i love him so much.



this is the ornament i bought for dave last christmas. it is our angel, "the angel of the heart" and when i look at it, i think of how far we have come...

preggie pops

well morning sickness officially arrived at our house last night. rachel and jj had spent the evening with us and brought us dinner and dave and i were settled in and ready to go to sleep when it hit me, i said to dave, "i feel like i am going to throw up" and he jumped up and went to get me a bucket and not a moment too soon...yuck. this morning was the same story, i felt so nauseated after i got out of the shower and once again i lost my cookies. all morning at work i sipped sprite and munched on saltines but they only provided momentary relief. after work dave and i stopped by babies r us and picked up some preggie pops(lollies that are supposed to help with queasiness) and i hope they will help me...so far i have only tried the sour rasberry and i liked the taste of it...they have some unusual flavors though, ginger, spearmint and lavender...i guess ginger is supposed to help with nausea. we'll see. i'll let you know what i think later. the jury is still out...

the weepies

how can i compare you to
a favorite pair of shoes
maybe my bright red boots, if they had wings...

something to be extra thankful for...

it has finally happened. we feel so blessed and overjoyed. we found out i was pregnant yesterday. i was at "enchanted" with my mom and four of my five sisters and my niece and nephew and i got a call from my doctor who had very good news for me. i stepped out of the theater and heard her say, "you are pregnant" and i just couldn't believe my ears. i went back in the theater to finish watching the movie, but i kept my news secret until i could see dave. we spent the evening putting together these soda bottle labels and it was so fun to be able to announce it to our families on Thanksgiving day. it was truly a thanksgiving miracle. we had contemplated waiting to tell our families because of the losses we have experienced in the last twelve months, but decided that we wanted to share the news when everyone was together and in town. it was so fun to see my sister Laura pull out one of the bottles to see what flavor it was and her realization of what the label said...i loved her yelling, "are you serious??" and smiling and hollering until everyone came over and realized what was being announced. it was by far the best thanksgiving i have ever had. i do not have words to express the happiness i feel right now...i think i am a little bit worried to let my heart be as happy as i long to be because i know the pain that accompanies the loss of that kind of happiness, but right now i am content to let myself be happy and thankful for such an incredible blessing.



a toast with my family at Rachel's house...




then Laura took a picture so i could be in it, here it is...






miracles happen.

some things never change

i laughed so hard when i saw this picture of my childhood self...my little round face and the joy i had in holding a book. reading has always been one of the great joys in my life, i guess some things never change.