two years ago today we lost our little angel. i will never forget that day. i look over at our christmas tree and i see the little "angel of the heart" ornament and it is a figurine of a little girl holding a heart. we didn't know last year that the little baby in my tummy was a little girl yet but we both felt like it was a little girl we lost. dave and i talked about it a bit today and he really feels like it was audrey and it wasn't her time yet. i am so grateful to be audrey's mother. i love her so much. when i think back to two years ago when i had an ultrasound and we saw no heartbeat tears stream down my face. that was such a painful time for dave and i, such a hard christmas for us...but the tears now are tears of gratitude and tears of love. i am so grateful to my husband. he will never know how much i love him because it is impossible for me to express. i have no words that could ever express my feelings accurately. he was and is such a support to me in my time of sorrow as well as in my time of joy...so many nights he would just hold me as i cried myself to sleep. this year i am not as excited for christmas as i usually am. i think partly because i was so excited for thanksgiving to see my family and show dave washington dc and partly because what we have wanted most for christmas the last two years we received in july of this year. i get to be with audrey every day. i get to see her smile and hold her close. she makes every day special for me. today when i feel a little sad remembering the sadness and pain that began on this day, i will hold my baby girl a little tighter and be grateful that i have a husband that loves me and stand by my side to anchor me through the tough times.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
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8 comments:
What a poignant post. Thank you for sharing.
I am glad that little Audrey made it here safely! And I am sorry that you went through such a painful thing 2 years ago. I am so glad that you have Dave to enough the good times and bad.
it's amazing how things change in a year or two. I specifically remember reading your thanksgiving post last year, announcing you were pregnant, when we were at my inlaws. we were trying for a baby then, too, and look where we are now! we are so blessed to have our husbands, families, and baby girls! :)
we are all so happy to have sweet Audrey here! Love you.
Sweet Audrey. Thank you for letting Jayde and I share her on Saturday.
Oh Julie, I didn't know about this--Megan never told me. I can't even begin to imagine what you must have gone through. And now to have your beautiful Audrey...
You are just incredibly eloquent and your post was truly, just as zealygirl stated, poignant.
My heart is with you today.
Julie I am so glad you have Dave to lean on! He sounds like an incredible hubby! *HUGS* as you pass your anniversary. I agree, hug that baby tight and be filled with love!
I'm right there with you, friend. Our angelversary was 12/8. What a blessing to be able to hug and kiss on my little man. He's healed my heart.
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