do as i say, not as i do

oh boy, this past week has been hard one. little one has been pretty fussy and has refused to take naps i have been very tired. when i am tired i become agitated much more easily...not so much with audrey but with myself. i find i have a wealth of patience for audrey and her little pains and bouts of crying but it is hard to find that patience with myself. i find i am disappointed because i want to do things perfectly and if i fall short of my expectations (no matter how unrealistic) i feel like a failure. i have thought about this a lot this week. i look at my baby girl and i want to give her everything...i don't mean everything in the material sense but every advantage as far as the intangibles. i want to give her confidence. i want to give her love. i want to give her wisdom. i want to teach her to love other people. i want to give her the gift of knowing how wonderful she is. i want to teach her forgiveness, not just forgiveness for others but forgiveness for herself. i want to give her knowledge. i want her to know that life is a journey, that each one of us is a work in progress and that mistakes are made and life goes on.

when i was growing up, my mom often said, "those things happen" when we would spill milk or break a glass and yet i find in my life when i burn dinner or break something, i beat myself up. i am sure that when audrey disappoints herself on a test in school or drops something i will say, "those things happen" and mop it up and give her a hug and move on but i have noticed this week two little eyes on me constantly. since audrey has been a little more fussy than usual, we have spent more time at home. no matter what i am doing, audrey is watching. she watches me make her bottle, do the dishes, type on the computer, talk on the phone...all the time she is learning about life from what her mom does. it is a big responsibility. i feel the weight of it as she watches me. what am i saying that one day audrey will say? what am i doing that one day audrey will do? i am so hard on myself and that is a problem. no matter how much patience i have with audrey, unless i can learn to be more patient with myself, audrey will learn that in order to be acceptable, she has to be perfect (to me she already is) and do things perfectly the first time, every time. she is teaching me every day about myself and who i want to be. it is becoming that person that is the trick.

two little blue eyes watching me as i snap her in her car seat...

lifesaver

little audrey would not nap today. she took two mini naps of five minutes each (one in her crib and one in her swing) but she would not stay asleep. poor little girl was just exhausted. as long as i was holding her she was calm and happy. out of desperation, i pulled out the baby bjorn and put her in it. she liked it. i unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen, made dinner all while wearing my little princess...carrying her around on my belly, it was a little reminiscent of being pregnant. i move more slowly and am very protective of my this baby on my belly, haha. i think she liked being able to be part of the "action" and being near me. it is flattering to have someone want to be with you all the time. i know i should take full advantage of it. the time will soon come where i have to share her...she'll have friends, school, activities...but for now she is all mine during the day and this bjorn is a lifesaver.

when dave got home he gave me a break. i needed to get out for a bit. i went to two craft stores (i know, i am a wild woman) to gather materials for a project i am starting. i love craft stores. i love walking the aisles and looking at all the stuff. although i am not as crafty as i wish i was, i get inspired when i am there. so many possibilities...

i remember years ago someone told my mom that they would give anything to know the scriptures the way she she knew them. isn't that interesting? they would give anything...anything but the time to study them to get to know them that way. i have thought about that a lot throughout my life. you see a concert pianist and it is easy to think, "wow, i would give anything to be able to play like that." a concert pianist doesn't wake up one day playing piano concertos. they dedicate years and years to practicing and developing their talent. i have often wished i was more crafty but shy away from "crafting" so now i am going to take the time to try my hand at some projects. wish me luck!

what a rough life

audrey fell asleep like this in her swing. i had to take a picture.

more halloween pictures

on halloween night we had my brother and sister and their roommates over for some beef stew and pumpkin bars. it was fun to eat dinner and give out candy to the trick or treaters. our little audrey went to bed at five and slept through the entire party...she was actually out for the night! that is what happens when she doesn't get an afternoon nap. it was a little sad. she had a daytime costume and an evening costume and we didn't get to dress her up in her evening costume. i put it on a few days ago and she looked so cute in it. i will have to dress her up in it and take a few pictures. her first halloween was spent in dreamland but we had fun watching halloween cartoons (ichabod and it's the great pumpkin, charlie brown). i can't wait to take audrey trick or treating next year (assuming she will stay up that late).

andy and his roommate brett (dressed up as hook and peter pan)

mariah and her roommate melanie (dressed up as a mime and a boxing champion)

group picture (minus our sleeping ladybug and julie, the photographer)

happy halloween

...from our little ladybug.

audrey's first date

my friend candice and i (and our babies) met for lunch at cafe rio. it was so much fun to catch up on each other's lives and talk about motherhood and memories of college. it was really fun to see her baby too. he is such a happy baby and so cute! it was funny though because when i held him audrey looked up at me with this "hey, you are MY mom, why are you holding another baby" expression. it was pretty funny. they looked so cute next to each other in their carriers. they have the same carrier (just different colors), the same pacifier (again just different colors), the same binky clip (this one is because candice made both of them, she is so talented) and when i pulled out her favorite toy, candice said that her son had the same one AND they are both AJ (audrey jane and adam junior). looks like audrey has a boyfriend, haha.

lunch with ana and a brand new toy

audrey and i have had a lot of fun the past two days meeting my mom downtown for lunch. she is in town for a conference and we have enjoyed having her here! today dave met us too and we had a little party at the olive garden. everyone wanted to hold audrey so we each took a turn.

here are some pictures:

audrey loves being with her ana



mama's pride and joy



definitely a daddy's girl


what a perfect little poser


all tuckered out


after lunch audrey and i ran some errands. we had to pick up a few things at walmart (namely candy for trick-or-treaters and some tights for her since it will be getting cold soon) and when we got home daddy was already here. we decided it was time to pull out audrey's jumperoo. even though it is not new (it was given to us for audrey at our office shower) it is the first time she has been in it. i just had to snap a few shots.

at first she seemed a little apprehensive



she loved and was absolutely mesmerized by the lights


she started smiling and squealing when dave started bouncing it (her feet don't quite reach the floor yet)